Excerpts from your neighbor' s recent emails

9/3/08

Jeb,
Nope. But them dang fur-ners is about drive me half blind if you wants the truth. Theys gettin their dern fingers into merkin pie likes they was born on the fourth o July. My pie Jeb and yorn too! Listen now what we gonna do about this bizniss. I mean you being graduatated from dat dere fancy college and all, well maybe you got some kind a plan like. You jes member dat I's on yore side when the sheepdip starts a flying and ain no dang furner gonna change that.

Gobbless Merka fum sea to shining sea

I sweys the good merkins shall rise agin , we shall rise fum the ashes

and take back the land which our fofathers stole rightfully and squarely from the Injuns in the days when our great land wuz wearin tumbleweed diapers and suckin rawhide.

Travis

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9/3/08

Now Trav, listen a me real good. They ain no one a em it kin be trusted. and I seen sum them in the libry. They reads books and all like one of them poly-tishins. One a em wuz a eye-ballin me Jeb. I believe that cute one wuz undercover, workin for the C.I. and the A too Jeb. Watch yourself now and don go a callin me till I give you the signal. I ain found out the bug yit but I knows its there and theys a listnin.

Jeb

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9/6/08

Jeremiah (Jeb)

Thas it brother, theys a dern menace to the human race. And aint no sense in im bringin they backwud and pagan ways mongst us godfearin folk. Why sum them aint never et no biscuits and gravy or no chitlins an they eat green things for breakfast I swear on the good book Jeb cross my heart. How kin ya trust folks don know a hamhock from a tofupup? Ain no tellin what theys a up to friend an we best keep our eyes peeled , our women to home, and our rifles locked an loaded. Peace bro.

Sam (aka Travis)

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9/8/08

Trav,

You ain't takin on aliases like them ferners and commies is you? I don like the looks of it. An theys a gittin smarter. Mildred, Spud, Tiny William, Partly Ned, Blossom, Bubba and Juju say hidie.

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http://covenspell.blogspot.com/ (gothic)

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A Bird in the Shrub or Life With George II

commencing countdown engines on.....9....8......7.......

take your protein pills and put your helmet on ......5.....4

check ignition and may god's love be with you... 2......1.....

lift off


"I'm the commander--see, I don't have to explain -- I don't need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being the President. Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation." (George W. -- Washington Post, 11-19-2002)

"I am a war president" (Dubya , Tim Russert interview on "Meet the Press" Feb. 8, 2004)

Stay tuned fer our next wet and wild installment of "Advice for the marginally damned and those who do their laundry"

and now a glimpse at the top stories on World News tonight:

From Russia-----Does Tiev Ski ? Our crack reporter will attempt to answer this and other fascinating questions

In national news: Dammed Cells in Distress, should they be saved?

and..... we're back with more "Downhome Sayins We All Know and Love™"

"There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again." --George W. Bush to Nashville, Tennessee audience, Sept. 17, 2002, MSNBC-TV --Politex, Sept. 17, 2002, 10 PM

That's right folks George II our great and patriotic leader he know them sayins real good. That boy a sharp one let me tell you, an good lookin too. Well, we knows how much y'all enjoys hearin those ol heartwarmin sayins from back home and we aim to please. And for your listenin please we have compiled an enomous see-lection of the best sayins of all time. Some them you ain't heard in years and was wonderin where'd they go. We used experts to smoke these sayins out of their holes and rescue them from the dustpiles of eternity....just for y'all. Now sit back an listen.............

"He who hesitates is....well he's the sorta critter't ain't sure a hisself soze he get's all a fluster and purty soon that boy feels doggone licked. Sos he ain't wuth a plug cent no mo."

How bout that? Hee go anutha one:

Murphie's Law: "If it can happen...the maybe happening is what its all about an it just so happens that it might not happen but then again one day, and maybe when you least suspect it just goina happen and you caint stop it no way...............

Come on, let me hear Hail to the...

Disclaimer: We recognize that our great and mighty President occasionally uses poetic license with the "Ol time Tennessee Sayins ™" But we sincerely and humbly believe that any minor changes do not in any way detract from their beautiful essence. --Signed:His humble servants

and now more "Ol Time Tennessee Sayins™" to treasure for all time.........

"The proof is in the....lord., you folks ain got nuff proof yit? Look't Guantanamo Bay. There's yer proof. Keep on now and you'll git all the proof you needs and more'n you can handle. I promise you. Stop askin me about WMD's an chemical weapons searches. I seen em in Saddam's eyes and we got im. Proof you want? I am the proof. I'm the proof President. I am the proof and the way......"

(the followers sing a fine fendition of: "Praise Him, Praise our mighty leader for He hath spoken")

Welcome back. you know it always seems that jes when you lease suspect it heah comes mo of those "Ol Time Texas Sayins Y'all Know and Love™." Yessir. And let us thank George, our great and honorable commander, fer remindin us.....

How could we have forgotten these?:

"To err is human...but sometimes we humanlike folk we makes mistakes and not only that we can do other things too...because we are human."

"Cleanliness is next to....well sho aint Dick Cheney I'll tell you! Jes try and stand next to that feller in a reception line for half an hour. Laura an I gave him soap-on-a-rope for Christmas , but I don't believe he took the hint. Listen,we might have to adopt a bathing requirement for cabinet members...."

"There's more'n one way to .....steal an election . Haw haw haw...."

Golly Mr President, you's a natural wonder. What a formidable mind must it be that has stored this treasury of ol timey sayins that we all love. here's what the man hisself had to say on that subject:

"As certain as I aim to free the world of terrrorists and tyranny, I aim to pass along to posterity the ageless sayins of our great state of Texas, and maybe Virginia too. Even non-Texans will enjoy these if they has any sense. Thems all good ol sayins ats been passed on through many generations to land square in your....on your....near you. Y'all know what I mean. The combined wisdom of our heritage lies in these timeless words. Now you can read them , if'n you can read, or have someone to read em for you like I do."

Look out, hee go a hot one: "A bird in the hand is wuth....

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IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD, ACT I, Scene II "The Alien Inside"

"I didn't have cancer. I had something inside of me that had cancer in it and it was removed." ---Reagan to Biographer Lou Cannon, summer of 1985

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Captain Ron and the Little Green Men:

"As a boy," says Cannon Reagan fed his imagination with adventure stories and tales of improbable success." He loved Edgar Rice Burroughs's novels in particular, but preferred his science fiction tales to the much more popular Tarzan series. These sci-fi novels featured John Carter, a Martian warlord. Cannon found that Reagan had read science fiction throughout his life and was a fan of science-fiction films(The Role of a Lifetime, Lou Cannon, p.214). Daughter
Patti Davis had described herfather as fascinated with stories of unidentified flying objects and the possibility of life on other worlds.(Cannon, p.214).

"In Hollywood he became an avid sciencefiction fan", wrote Cannon, "absorbed with a favorite them of the genre: the invasion from outer space that prompts earthlings to put
aside nationalistic quarrelsand band together against an alien invader. Reagan liked this idea so much he tried it out on Gorbachev in their first meeting at Geneva in 1985, saying that he was certain the United States and the Soviet Union would cooperate if Earth were threatened by an
invasion from outer space."(P.61).Gorbachev seems to have smoothly side-stepped the subject with Reagan taking his non-response as a small victory. But Reagan's advisors were also frequently privy to versions of the idea, some of them less than impressed.

Colin Powell, national security advisor for a time--one of seven during RR's eight years--was well
aware of "Reagan's preoccupation with what Powell called "the little green men."" Cannon says Powell "struggled diligently to keep interplanetary references out of Reagan's speeches."(p. 61). Powell was convinced that the source of the idea had been a 1951 sci-fi film, The Day the Earth Stood Still. The plot of the movie involves the attempts of the alien hero, an envoy from a highly advanced civilization on a distant planet, to convince Earth's nations to work peacefully together. He warns them that an "interplanetary force of robots" would destroy them all if they fail to do so. The alien is killed as a menace, resurrected, then departs after giving some advice and final warning:

"The Universe is getting smaller everyday, There must be security for all or no one issecure...We shall be waiting your decision."(p.62).

He then flew off in his saucer.

His own version became something of a pet idea for Reagan which sometime spilled out, exasperating his wary advisors, into his speeches. To the original film story, according to Powell, Reagan liked to add "personal touches and dramatic flourishes"(p.63).

One such occasion was his address to the United Nations General Assembly in 1987:
"In our obsession with antagonisms of the moment, we often forget how much unites all the members of humanity. Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us recognize this common bond. I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask you, is not an alien force already among us? What could be more alien to the universal aspirations of our peoples than war
and the threat of war?" (pp. 63-64).

Huh? Huh? I ask you Jeb. I may require little vacay from these issuances of immense and grievous bodily need for I tire easily in these days of wonder. Am reading about George I now an I tell you boy he warnt no slouch neither in the field of pullin the wool over the eyes of the unsuspectin masses. Kep his eyes open when settin by the master for eight years. Boy learned
real good Jeb and dang if he dint come up with some trick his own self.

Stay tuned for GEORGE OF THE DESERT part one coming
soon to an E space near you.........
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